This is copied from an entry I made on an internet message board I go to. It was written early yesterday morning, and then the other message below was an update that I posted last night.
This is very emotional for me. If you are emotional too, you might want to grab a kleenex if you intend to read through this.
I only got home from the hospital at 2:30 this morning, and it is now just after 6:00 here. I'm running on very little sleep and the most stressful event of my life affecting me right now, so please bear with me.
Let me back up by giving a few details:
My oldest daughter and I saw my parents Saturday morning for about an hour. She seemed fine, nothing unusual. We had a great visit with them!!
Sunday morning, my dad called and said that mom wasn't feeling well, had a fever and way bad chills. I didn't go over that day, not wanting to disturb her rest and also wanting to avoid giving her anything, should we be unknowing carries of any viruses.
Monday, mom went to work! She's been trying to work part time the past few weeks, just four hours a day. So Monday, she did. Then came home and rested , as usual, for about an hour or two. My youngest two daughters and I were in town running errands (oldest daughter was at a friend's house), so we stopped in for a late afternoon visit. We were there probably 30 minutes. Mom was happy, talking, laughing and overall acting totally normal. She was mashing potatoes as we left. I hugged her, told her I loved her as we said goodbye that day.
Little did I know that just over 24 hours later, I'd be administering CPR to my own mother, and watching the life slip away from her.
Backing up again....
Tuesday about 10:30 am, my aunt called me. She works in the same building as my mom. My aunt said, "What's going on with your mother?" I said, "What are you talking about? Isn't she at work?" Aunt Kae said, "Oh gosh, didn't your dad tell you? Your mom was in the ER all night long. She called in to work to say she wouldn't be in today, as they just left the hospital at 6:00 am."
I told her I'd hang right up and find out what had happened. My dad said they didn't want to disturb me and bother me with those details, because the hospital tests showed nothing wrong. (I told him I was a little frustrated that I had to hear it second hand and he'd better call me from now on!)
Apparently mom had horrific pain in her abdomen that radiated up into her chest and shoulders, so that's why they went to the ER Tuesday early morning. He said they did an MRI and found nothing, so they gave her three shots of pain killers (dilaudid) in the three hours she was there, and sent her back home.
Neither of my parents could figure out WHY they wouldn't keep her there for observation, under the circumstances of her recent health problems (cancer, major surgery, a blood clot, lactic acidosis, severe edema, abdomen filling with fluid, etc)
So, they went home.
I talked with dad a few times over the course of Tuesday. Every time, she was asleep, or not coherent enough to talk to me. He tried to get her up a time or two. Once out on the couch, she basically just went right back to sleep. She wanted to go back to her bed, and in the process collapsed in my dad's arms, not being strong enough to stand. At some point, she woke up and asked for a milkshake, so dad went up the street and got her one. She hadn't eaten anything since the day before. Dad fed her as much of that as she wanted. He said she acted like she really enjoyed it.
Tuesday afternoon about 2:00 pm, all my girls were over at a family friend's house. My youngest two were playing with the kids, and my oldest was asked later to stay and babysit all the kids for a while. What a huge blessing that turned out to be!! Since I had more time before the kids would be back, I finished up my shopping at Costco and was at the gas pumps when I called my dad to ask if I might stop in to check on mom. He said (happily), "Sure, come on over!" I finished gassing up, and drove the 5 minutes or less to their house.
Between my call at the gas pumps and the drive over, dad checked on mom and she came to long enough to say, "I think I'm dying."
Dad tried to get her out of bed and just couldn't. She wouldn't budge. Then her breathing became labored. He realized he'd need to call 911.
I walked in with my frozen peaches and some spinach (expecting to visit a good while and didn't want the food to spoil), so I came in their back door, and set the stuff down on the kitchen counter. Dad peeked around the corner from their bedroom, and said, "an ambulance is on the way!"
WHAT!?!?!? He was still on the call with 911. I flew into their room. I don't think I'll ever forget what I saw just then. My mom was literally taking her last breaths. At first, my knees just buckled and I flung myself over her on the bed. I started screaming at her, "mommy wake up, mommy wake up!" I don't think I've called her mommy for close to 30 years!!!
Her eyes were all glazed over, there was nothing there. I quickly got my wits about me and started CPR. I didn't know what else to do. There was no life in her. Dad and I took turns doing breaths, I did the chest compressions. Her jaw was clinched shut, but I saw and heard her chest rising. We only did this for 2-3 minutes before the ambulance showed up. When they took her away, she was flatlined.
In the meantime, I'm frantic, hysterically calling Jason and Jodi. Jason came to pick me up, and drove me to the hospital. I felt so horrible calling Jodi in the state I did, as I'd just barely talked to her in between Costco and our parent's home, telling her I'd be checking on mom and would let her know how she was after I visited. Of course, Jodi goes biserck. But, she was able to call my other sister. I told them both they need to prepare to come this way, it doesn't look good.
I will try to condense the rest of the story, as its already very long and everything from the hospital on is kind of a blur. The paramedics and ER trauma team worked on her for a good half hour. They were almost ready to give up. My dad told them to keep trying. Finally, they were able to establish a pulse. But, she basically went into a coma. She's on a ventilator. All sorts of blood tests are way bad. Her blood sugar was at 11, her pH was way off, and all sorts of other awful things. Her abdomen ballooned from the time at her home, to the hospital. After quite a while in the ER, they took us up to ICU, where she had been moved. They told us we could see her in a half hour, but it took three hours, because of so many complications they didn't expect. Finally about 10:00 pm, they decided she needed to go into surgery to look at her abdomen, or she wouldn't make it through the night.
The whole group of us (my dad, aunt, uncle, cousin, another cousin and her Dh, and myself---Jason had gone to pick up the kids around 9:30, so he wasn't there)...we all got to finally see her in ICU before they took her to surgery. It was so emotional for us all. My dad and my cousin's husband gave her a Priesthood blessing (a special prayer). There hadn't been a chance earlier in the ER with all the commotion going on. My grandfather and another uncle had also been there earlier but had to get back home themselves.
During the surgery, they were looking for a "dead bowel". Thankfully, that was ruled out. They confirmed the blood clot, which is what's been causing all the fluid build up in her abdomen. They drained out 3 gallons of fluid.
On a women that is literally skin and bones, that is a TON of weight. The surgeon came out and said that had they not gone in to surgery when they did, she probably wouldn't have lasted another hour. But, doing the surgery is no guarantee of a good outcome. Doing the surgery, however, and draining the fluid, greatly relieved the pressure on her chest cavity. Even on the ventilator, she's breathing easier (before it was SO labored!).
They won't know for another day or two, the extent of any brain injury from having gone so long without oxygen. We're guessing she was without heartbeat, pulse and breath for close to 45 minutes, between the time dad and I worked on her, and when the ER team got a pulse again. They are giving us grim odds.
So, we are now basically hoping for the best, but preparing ourselves for the worst. My mom is unrecognizable at the moment, and likely will be for a long time yet. The surgeon told us to expect extreme swelling, especially of her face. I've never seen so many tubes, wires and machines before. My parents, years ago, signed statements in their wills that should they ever be in a state that would render them a "vegetable", that they would wish to be taken off life support. I don't know why, but I have a feeling that is where this is headed, although I know miracles can still happen. We've told the hospital staff that they need to keep her alive long enough for my sisters to arrive and be here with her a little while. Jodi and family will be here in about 5 hours (they overnighted at a hotel in Flagstaff, AZ), and our other sister and her little family will be here sometime tomorrow. They are driving here from Seattle. I think its about 1200 miles.
That is really all to say for now. Except, I beg of you all to pray for my mom, and our entire family. We're going to need all the blessings and strength we can. Thank you so much for the prayers you've already offered.
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(later update)
Jodi and I are here together in the ICU waiting room. She and her family arrived just after lunchtime today. Our other sister and family are still driving, and likely won't be here until late tomorrow. Dad has his laptop here, so we've been able to log on a couple times today. We are so very touched by the overwhelming response of your love, support and prayers. Words cannot express how grateful we are to all of you.
Here's the short of it:
There is no hope. She will never recover in any way. There is too much damage done to not only her brain, but all the rest of her vital organs. She was just without oxygen for too long. Her blood sugar was 11 when they admitted her last night. They did an EEG today, to see her brain activity. It was discovered that she's having seizures. We started to see little twitches in her face today. I think they are giving her meds to help control it. She is in no pain. She has been stable
Although they have her "alive" physically, Dad and I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, that her spirit left her body yesterday afternoon. We know that she is already in a better place, although her physical body is still here, only living through these machines. What a blessing to know that she is not suffering any longer, and has been made whole. We are grateful for the knowledge that we will see her again one day.
We are hoping to keep her hanging on, long enough for our youngest sister to get here. She will need that closure. All of us are starting to make funeral plans. Its going to be a hard few days. At this point, we think the funeral will be Tuesday. Jodi and I never thought we'd be in our 30's and burying a parent already. What an unreal feeling.
EDITED on October 5, 2008 to add some viewing and funeral pictures. I'll refrain from commentary. The pictures speak for themselves.
Her regular headstone should be finished and installed in a couple more weeks. What a final feeling that will bring.
